There’s been a major shift in my journey to Europe. My beautiful boyfriend Dane has arrived (that was a month ago now) and we have covered a lot of ground since his arrival. Our trip so far has consisted of a couple of weeks in Bosnia, including a trip to Dubrovnik with our friend Pavel, a short stint with family in the north of Bosnia, a night in Zagreb and just under a week in Budapest, Hungary. We have been in Egypt for about a week now, having spent our first couple of days in chaotic Cairo and the other five in super chilled out Dahab. Never thought I’d be one of those people that pulls a laptop out while in transit, but here I am, typing in the dark on a 8 hour bus from Dahab back to Cairo. This part of the trip has been jam packed with adventure and inspiration, and some hilarious moments of oblivion (I thought I lost my wallet for a second time and Dane thought he got robbed in Cairo...but both times the precious stuff was recovered...thank you universe!).
With all the bus-catching, bag lugging, eating (amazing food!), dodging shams, sun catching, swimming, snorkelling, reading, chatting, general travel shenanigans, I’ve developed my ability to sleep anywhere even more so than I thought possible. Keeping things light and going with the randomness that comes with constant movement and new places has become pretty natural. Dane’s good at laughing at what may at first appear to be too much of a compromise. But then again, I think it’s been a nice two way road, the travel companion in him has been very welcome after 4 months of solace.
There’s something that has shifted in me as a result of this whole trip though. I’ve now completed the Bosnian and Croatian part of my journey, and what an incredible ride it was. I have only a small gauge for the significant impact that part of my trip had on me, or will have on me in the future. It kind of sounds like a bit of a general and overarching comment about a very layered experience, but I think the effects of this part of my life will only come to surface and make themselves known as I, in parallel and almost separate, delve deeper below the surface to witness the enormity of the iceberg.
There were a number of parts or aspects to leaving. The first and obvious one is physically departing. The second is saying ‘goodbye, for now’ to the amazing friends made in Sarajevo. The third was packing my things and sorting what is to come with me for the rest of the journey. The fourth was saying farewells to the place that I made home for 3 months, my little haven nestled in the hills. The fifth, and possibly one of the most important was actually consciously leaving Bosnia and trying to keep my mind connected to what my body was doing automatically…leaving.
I can’t really say that it’s easy. I’ve had spurs of realization throughout the last ten days or so that I’m not actually going to be going back to Sarajevo this time. I’m not on a short trip away to go see family or a new place, and that after this final leg of travel I’m actually going home. Staying present and knowing that I’ve just spent the last 4 or so months working my little butt off trying to reconstruct my childhood, connect with relatives and a land that was a significant but distant mystery to me has been relatively difficult. At times I’ve felt like I was kind of not really doing much, you know, slacking off, not working, not actively pursuing something that’s part of that social norm…maybe. For example, I wasn’t employed, I wasn't studying, I wasn’t doing something that took the good part of a week, had no major commitments, and settling into a pretty simple lifestyle. When I stripped away the activities and people that I usually define myself by when I’m back home, the stuff that was left bare was in reality the stuff that actually defines me – me. It was kind of like staring in a mirror and having conversations about the things that shaped me – so it’s like talking to your child self, your adolescent self, your young adult self, and finally the self that you know now – pretty incredible and powerful stuff.
In the first weeks of being exposed to this new reflective kind of activity, it kind of felt like I had been placed at the foot of a mountain and was told to work out a way to climb over it in the next few months. I had to maintain it and sort of self-direct my learning, the whole time making sure I feel like I’m actually being productive. It’s a bit difficult to put into words, but when everything that you’re used to is left behind, dormant, and all you have is a clean slate and some basic starting points (and 24 hours in every day) I felt as though I could be ‘doing’ much more. When I went through my weeks and explored my surroundings, saw places, met people and got a bit of an idea of where I stood with my family, I actually started to really embrace what was happening. I was gathering memories that would serve my current/present self in the now. When I consciously realised this, I truly started to enjoy my trip. This was the hard part to leave behind in the end. I did feel ready though, and am still really looking forward to getting back to Melbourne and starting on a range of projects, ideas, career stuff, list goes on.
One of the brilliant aspects of this whole journey, and something that I’m grateful for, is that I actually got my shit together and did it. I’ve been dreaming about it for a few years, daydreaming about what it feels like to have the guts and the adventurous spirit needed to do it. Giving myself the space to go over things as many times as I need to (about anything and everything) became almost a meditative exercise. During the preparations for this trip my plans changed a lot, but what it morphed into was kind of back to its original form. It all started with a fantasy of sitting in a small cafe in the old town of Sarajevo, and watching the people go by – taking in what it was all about. I wanted to sit back and allow for Bosnia to define itself for me so that I could mesh together the geographically scattered ‘Sejla’s’ from around the world. And it did just that.
Thanks for reading!
Sej x
