Deep Roots..

I've spent nearly a week in Sarajevo and it kind of feels pretty homey. I have to say that I'm looking forward to finding a place and unpacking my bag for a little while, getting out my bits and pieces that remind me of the people that I love and fill my fridge with the amazing seasonal summer fruit and veg.

I've been thinking a lot about what home means, and what this identity issue means to me. The time I've spent here has really put me in amongst a community that think my story is relatively normal and common compared to others. The more time I spend at this hostel, the more times I've repeated and retold my story - each time it's slightly different in level of detail and length.

What it comes down to really - my identity hasn't got much to do with where I'm from at the end of the day - it's more about where I feel comfortable investing my time and with who I choose to spend it with. I don't have to be Bosnian or Australian necessarily - it's more about how much of an understanding I have of both of those cultures that affects how I fit within them. Obvious maybe? I'm almost sure that I've come to this conclusion in one way or another at some other time, otherwise I'd be incapable of making friends in either culture.

There's a distinct difference between the Bosnian community here in Bosnia and the ones over in Australia. The youth that I've spent some time with here are all pretty clued into the politics, official and unofficial. They all seem to have a pretty good grip on why the country is still so unorganised and often in a complete administrative mess. They're all studying - and studying hard, so have this amazing understanding of the world. I heard a statistic the other day that nearly 70% of annual government expenses go towards administration - since there are 3 presidents at any one time and each needs their own office and team. I'll get onto what that means in a minute, but my point here is that people of all ages have evolved within this society since the war. No one appreciates the atrocities in the 90's in any way - obviously - and everyone pretty much agrees that no one side got anything out of it. The whole thing was a complete waste...of everything, unfortunately. But the important point here is that they've grown as the city has been rebuilt, and things have changed, they've changed.

The Bosnian youth and older generations in Australia however are a bit behind - I don't have any memories of talking Bosnian politics with anyone apart from my parents back home...what the fuck's with that? I wonder if they know how the local and national governments work, and what life is actually like here. This has left the Bosnian community in Melbourne in the past a little - most people associate Bosnia with pre-war lives and any family holidays that they've gone on. It's a damn shame. This place isn't greater than what it was, it's different. I just find it a little wierd that some of the Bosnian Australians that I've known in my time can be so patriotic when they have no real idea of what Bosnia has evolved into since they left it.

This country isn't unsafe.

Sarajevo isn't a place filled with pick pockets.

Sarajevo has it's scars, but it's not a tortured city under siege any more - it's beautiful, vibrant, bubbling with life and full of mosques, cathedrals, churches, synagogues, and other temples. It's full of galleries and museums, bookshops, cafes and bars, and people who always 'know a guy' if you need something.

This place is amazing - the people here are incredible.

Every non-Bosnian speaking visitor that I've met feels a sense of anger towards the US, UN and Serbia in some ways. They've spoken to me about how they're so angry about the fact that a war that took a month to stop in 1995 was allowed to go on for 5 long years. Why was Sarajevo under siege for 4 years? It's nice to know that there is a whole generation of people coming through here and seeing Sarajevo/Bosnia for what it really is, not associating it with the images that the media portrayed in the 90's. Hopefully the bad reputation that the war has left behind will be obliterated as more people see it as an attractive tourist destination.

Today a convoy of trucks adorned with flowers and roses passed through the city on their way to Potocari, in Srebrenica, which is on the mid-east boarder with Serbia. It's a town where the biggest genocide occurred since WW2, and Sunday is the official day of recognising/mourning for all the fallen souls. The trucks were full of coffins filled with the remains of bodies that have taken this long (15 years!!)to be sorted and identified since they were found in mass graves in various locations around Bosnia. These trucks were big, and there were about 6 or 7 of them. A man standing close by told me that the trucks were transporting 700 coffins.

I cannot really begin to describe the atmosphere at the main square in the Old Town of Sarajevo for the 5 minutes that it took for these trucks to go past. And this happens every year.


On a brighter note. I went to Vrelo Bosna yesterday for my birthday, which is this amazing natural spring that is the main source of drinking water for a part of Sarajevo. It was heaven on earth! And it truly made my birthday very special - thank you Abby for coming with me and for coming into my life in such a beautiful way! I also went out last night with a bunch of locals, who took me to a place called Sloga. It was a trashy-music turbo-folk kind of nightclub. I had a great night - got to bed by 4.30am, and woke up fully clothed. Oh. Dear.

Hmm...think I may leave politics and my new volunteering position with an environmental activist group for another time - this got way longer than intended!!

Thanks for reading!

Hope you're all getting through winter :-)

Sej xo

Saraj-evo-ti-sve

So guys.

This is it.

I'm here - arrived in Sarajevo yesterday morning at sleepy 6am - in the midst of Bosnia's cultural centre, from eons before me and the more recent drama from the 90's.

Fuck, it is a COOL city. In two days, this city has delivered so much and all at my fingertips. Here's a short little spin on what I've experienced so far. I got into a cab yesterday and got completely ripped off, and taken to a hostel that I really didn't want to be in.

Little did I know at the time - I was mostly relying on my gut instinct (and I have to insert here that my gut is VERY confused at the moment with all the anxiety I've been feeling) but my leaving that first hostel was SO crucial.

I am now staying at Haris Youth Hostel - a place that was born post war, by a 15 year old (Haris - a year my junior)! This kid. Started. A. Hostel. From. Nothing. At. 15. And he had been here in this house his whole life and through the craziness that was the war.

I've had the enormous pleasure of hanging out with some local girls and guys that I met by accident at a music festival in Zagreb a few weeks ago.

I've met Haris' parents, who have now offered to help me find a place. I've gone and inspected an appartment which is very close to this hostel - situated about 15 minutes from the main old town square (bas carsija). Still have to look at a few places tomorrow, but it's all looking incredibly promising.

I've seen the most amazing sunset - overlooking Sarajevo - something that would be across the road if I take this first apartment.

I'll add more in my next entry about the emotional and anxiety ridden roller coaster ride that I've been experiencing. Also something I must get my head around before I can write about it.

Thanks for reading!

A small shout out to Dane for all of your support, and to my family for their persistance with contacting me - I love hearing from all of you, and love YOU even more.

Emily Lois if you're out there - I miss your guts.

Thanks for reading!

Cao cao for now :-)

Sej xo

P.S. 'evo ti sve' means 'you can have everything' - that little punn's for you Laura Harris xoxoxx

Video posting is a problem...shit!

Hey guys

So I have about 3 or 4 vids I want to post but have some technical problems!

My vids are .MOD files, and I need to change them to .AVI files so that I can edit them and then post them.

Any ideas would be awesome!! Free ones especially!!!!!!!!

Thanks

Sej xx

Grandma Love

So..Last Friday I arrived in the Republic of Serbian part of Bosnia, in the north. A little town called Gradiska, where my parents grew up and where my grandmothers are at the moment. It has been mind blowingly difficult to be here. Really hard.

This family here is in an incredibly challenging environment, socially, physically and emotionally...all the time. This area is now dominated with people from a Serbian background - most of which moved in during the war as refugees. But they never left, and took over the houses that were originally built by Bosnian muslim families.

The youth here are largely unmotivated and hugely scared from their own first hand experience through civil war and the repercussions that followed. Most of them finish school - nothing fancy and usually with average grades. Some go on the university if they're lucky, but when they finish they struggle to find work. So they usually have little motivation for anything extraordinary - and they don't really believe in themselves.

The older generations are just getting by. The life they have here is kind of all they know. Most of them have some kind of mediacation for some kind of illness...and they have a lot of nasty memories.

In amongst all of this tragedy and wierdness though, I've found that somehow these older and younger generations are still quite positive and seem to have things to laugh about and be greatful for. My grandmothers especially. They're both extremely greatful women and huge pilars of strength.

I've learnt a lot about my parent's upbringing and what they went through, the kind of households they grew up in, etc. Things that never made sense in my own childhood and upbringing are now making sense. That part has been mind blowing and has seriously affected my own ability to reflect and understand my own mum and dad in a whole new light.

This is largely what I came here to work out.

But in saying that, there is still Sarajevo.

Thanks for reading!

Sej xx

One week, many lessons...

18 June 2010

Today, I celebrate the conclusion of a full week away from Australia, and a week here in the land where my life started – Croatia.

Normally a week is so fast when I’m in Melbourne, but somehow this week was like I was a chipmunk on speed, watching the world go past in slow motion. It was almost like something was a wrong – something was kind of missing. It took me a while to get over the jetlag, but it also took a lot longer than I expected to accept my present situation, location, emotions, surroundings and sense of now. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions with trying to get a grip of where I am and the path ahead in the next 5 months before Dane’s arrival, on top of actually having to be present, here, with the people I’ve come to see and actually be present with. Holy Moley. Bring it on!

I joined my family here in Croatia a week ago – unbeknownst to me it was their busiest week of the year. My dad’s younger brother Almir, has a beautiful family of 5, with Alma (23), Marijana (20) and Anita (17), and my lovely aunt Marija. Almir is sort of like a guidance counsellor at a dormitory for kids between 15-19in Zagreb, who are in a boarding school kind of situation for their senior years of high school. Marija is a school counsellor at the local primary school where they live – Ivanic Grad (about a 45min drive from Zagreb). Alma is a final year social work student in Zagreb, Marijana is a first year law student in Zagreb, and Anita has just finished the equivalent of year 11 at school. So they’re all very caught up in study, marking sheets, putting in the extra hours. Today was the last day for Almir, Marija and Anita, but the older girls still have exams coming up.

It’s been really cool watching them all go around their day to day work – their lives aren’t so different to mine in Melbourne – trying to balance their personal goals in amongst the people they love and want to include. They all have such amazingly open hearts, and I honestly couldn’t have been made to feel more welcome.

I’ve spent a lot of time with Marijana and found that we have quite a lot in common in terms of demeanour, but she’s also one of those people that seems to do everything they possibly can to make life good for you, and genuinely feel a sense of guilt when they sense you’re not having the time of your life. For a law student who’s about to go into an exam covering the overarching history of law in Croatia’s middle ages..covered in over 700 pages of text she’s reading (at first a one-brow-raising topic, but brain numbing after about a page..to put it lightly), I’m touched. This young lady is truly magic. I’ve learned a lot from her about patience, and what it means to truly give.

I’ve spent a bit of time with Marija as well and a lot of that time has been while she’s doing something, or we’re cooking together. She seems to always be doing something and using her time to be productive in some way. She never stops, and is the solid foundation keeping everyone’s belly’s full, listening to and caring about their problems, welcoming me with soup, delicious foods, bathroomy goodness and a bed to sleep in as soon as I got through the door. Absolutely amazing. So full of life, and so incredibly strong.

I’ve spent time with Almir, but I’m planning on video blogging that part.

Anita and Alma are still a bit of a mystery in some ways. Anita has spent most of the time that I’ve been here in her world, understandably. Alma lives in a flat in Zagreb so I’m going to see her next week one on one when we go to a music festival next to a man-made lake in Zagreb.

I’ve really come to love this family in many ways, and am so happy to have been in their home for a bit longer this time around. I’m looking forward to developing more of an ongoing connection with them from here on in. I don’t think I could have done that from Australia since starting a relationship of any sort is incredibly tricky when you have nothing to really base it on.

The next chapter of the puzzle will be in Zagreb and then I’m off to the Motherland for the first time.

Can’t wait!

Thanks for reading J

Hugs from Sejla

Welcome! Dobro Dosli!

Hidey ho! Hey! Cao! Bok!

Welcome to my very first and fresh blog, coming to you directly from the Balkan region of Europa :-)

I'm writing this somewhat for my own reasons, but also to keep friends and family posted about how I'm going in my travels...what I've been seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting/realising...you get it!

I'm not quite sure who exactly will be reading this so for now I'm just going to assume it's people that know me...and maybe later I'll have some new and unknown followers. Actually, I have a few aims:

- I want this to be a way to stay in touch with people...I usually personally don't like getting a group email from friends that are travelling. This is the alternative in my view! I'd rather send individual emails to people as I go!

- In a way I'd like to have flowing dialogue about what I'm experiencing and I'd like to record it using different mediums. I'll be blogging, writing a journal (which you guys will not see), record some video footage and also take photos. I'm hoping to upload some of the recording and photography as I go along....I kind of wanted to boycot Facebook in that way.

- I want to hear your thoughts too...if you have questions about the region or what I'm doing, please share! I want to learn as much as I can and take away as much as I can in terms of knowledge/experience. If you see me doing something and have tips...please comment!

Anyway...I should probably give a bit of background about this whole thing as well.

I had a colourful childhood. It was pretty different to most of the people that I know, and there are still a lot of loose ends - things that I either don't know enough about or don't understand in some way. I was born in Croatia, in a small town southwest of Zagreb, called Karlovac. Both of my parents are Bosnian, but were living there at the time because of my dad's work. We lived in Karlovac right up until the civil war in Bosnia started in 1991. My family then started to move around a lot. We went back to Bosnia and lived in various towns with different families, until we decided to escape as refugees in 1992. So we left.

We went towards Denmark, but ended up in Sweden, where we stayed in a refugee camp for about 8 months. I was 6 at the time, getting pretty close to 7. Mum had an aunt in Canberra, in the Australian Capital Territory. We got in contact with her and while we were at the camp, visas and plane tickets were organised for us to move to Australia permanently. Big move, folks!

Neither of my parents spoke English, let alone me and my sister. They had no idea what Australia looked like, only that there were kangaroos and how to say hello - thanks to an english teacher who happened to be at the camp at the same time as us.

We arrived on Australian shores in August of 1993 and we stayed in Canberra for 10 years. I know, this is the part where most of you will be starting to feel pity, but really, I'm ok. My head only just stopped spinning from all the roundabouts last year... :-)

My childhood and schooling in Canberra was pretty normal in terms of Aussie culture. Fun, even! It was a very different kind of lifestyle to what my parents knew so naturally it came with challenges. We had very little family there and very few relatives. But then a lot of mum's family started to move to Canberra as well and we felt a bit more at home. Towards the end of the 10 years that we were there though, a lot of the family we had there had decided to move to Melbourne for a number of reasons. Namely better life opportunities - more job variety, more of a Bosnian community, more exposure to the culture that was forcefully lost. So when my sister was ready for university, my family decided to move once again - ANOTHER life change.

So we've all been in Melbourne for nearly 6 years - and it's been amazing! I've made amazing friends, got a degree, moved outa home, got a job. Towards the end of uni - when I realised that I was moving into a completely different chapter of my life...work....I thought that there was something fairly major missing.

I had no idea where I was from...I only knew Bosnia and Croatia from a distance and had lived in this community vicariously through my parents - who, might I mention, had over time lost touch with what was actually going on back in ol' Europa. They only knew what they knew...and it had become less and less accurate the more time they spent away from it.

I realised that I would never really fully understand them as Bosnians, nor would I understand the Bosnian in me, unless I went back and explored. Immersed myself in the culture and just live there for a while.

It took me a couple of years to prepare...of course there was the money saving, but there was a lot of mental preparation. I needed to be sure I could be completely independant first. Then I needed to be ok with the idea of such a big undertaking. Anyway...2 and a half years later....I'm sitting in Ivanic Grad, about an hour south east of Zagreb in Croatia, writing my first ever Blog entry!

WoooHoo!

This is the beginning of many blogs, videos and photos that will appear on the net for you guys.

I hope to capture as much as I can using these mediums so that I can look back on occasion and remind myself of what I came here to do and also what actually happened!

I hope you enjoy!

Thanks for reading :-)

Hugs to you all.
Sej xo